My heart is full

I haven't been able to sleep the past two nights, because I've just been laying awake thinking about my little life. Pretty all over the place so here goes. I just feel consumed with gratitude with all that I have. All my experiences that have gotten me here. It's really easy to be grateful for everything, when you've had nothing. -I came across a couple old checkbook registers (is that what they are called?) on Sunday night. They were dated from 2002 to early 2004. They are great little keepsakes from that time in my life. I had fun looking at everything I had purchased and it was too easy to remember who I was and what my life was really like then. I was pretty detailed about keeping track of my expenses. I noticed that I pretty much only paid for my shared bills with my roommates, gas, little expenses like 'hoes from target' (I wrote) or little gifts here and there for friends. I really didn't have much back then. I only made like $500 dollars at Wal-mart every couple of weeks. I noticed I put smiley faces next to expenditures like tithing. I was such a good girl. Heavenly Father watched over me and truly provided for my every need. I had just enough for what I needed and I was so grateful to pay my tithing with a happy heart. I can easily remember I hated having to work at Wal-mart though. Though, It provided consistency at a time in my life when I really needed it. I worked with a lot of old ladies. They were really sweet and I have fond memories of them. They were so kind to me. It was a humbling, special time in my life. -When I was looking at the dates from 03-04, I was quickly reminded how much the Lord blessed me financially while I was in Idaho. I had deposited like $1,000 dollars in tips from Outback in like ONE week! Holy Cow. I also got special grants and those were huge blessings. I never needed to worry about money when I lived in Rexburg.(Well, only after I was prompted to go to the financial aid office at the end of the summer of 2003.:) It was a huge blessing. It was such a special time in my life. That one year I lived in Idaho. I would go to school in the mornings and then I would drive to Idaho Falls in the evenings to go to work at the Outback. I would often drive back to Rexburg at 11 pm or midnight. It's a 50 mile drive total, back and forth. I reflected and sometimes cried a lot during those late night drives back 'home'. It was a hard time in my life, yet looking back it was so rewarding. I grew so much. I'm grateful for everything that lead me to Rexburg. I remember feeling the spirit SO strongly from 17-22 during that crucial time in my life. The Lord was compensating me for what my life lacked, and giving me what I needed. The Spirit was my lifeline back then. I could feel the Spirit so easily and all the time. I felt so protected. It kept me going. It really did. Looking back, I'm grateful I listened to the Holy Ghost at such a young age. I'm grateful I never doubted the soft whisperings. They were gifts. You have to be really still and really quiet to hear the Holy Ghost in this loud world. I'm grateful it's been easy for me to heed those spiritual promptings in my life. They have gotten me far. Always closer to where I want to be. Such great blessings. Here I am now at Christmas time 2009 with a loving hubby and two beautifully handsome little boys. Every time I look at them at night when I go into their room to check on them and see them sleeping, I am reminded so easily how blessed I am that I was able to carry them and help them get here. They are the HUGEST blessings in my life.

I've also been thinking about myself and improvements I'd like to make. I always want to be better. More consistent in serving others. Reaching out of my comfort zone to be a better friend and neighbor. Also, physically I would like to really get to a place where I feel fit. That means I would really like to WORK at it. I really do and I hope that I can really accomplish it. BUT walking is as far as 'working out' goes for me. So more walking it is! I want to get to a place where I feel fabulous before I have anymore kiddos and I WANT more kiddos. I love being pregnant. I have noticed through conversations with other women, that other women do not enjoy/love being pregnant. I don't know if it's the weight gain or what, but I for one LOVE being pregnant. It always feels like such a magical time to me. The Spirit is always really strong too when I'm pregnant. I feel so close to Heavenly Father. I love it that I get to be an instrument in His hands and help get His spirit children bodies. I'm really really conscious of my weight gain when I'm pregnant, but I just feel great when I'm pregnant. Well, I often think about how WONDERFUL my pregnancy with Casen was. It was PERFECT. I think about how PERFECT that experience was all the time! No sickness, felt great and healthy the whole time, he came exactly 2 weeks early, he was healthy, I was healthy, labor and delivery was a piece of cake and recovery was even easier. I want 4- 5 kids, so if every pregnancy, and L&D can be just like that one I've got it made. Plus, so far both my babies have been super easy. That's a huge blessing I'm always mindful of too. I have good boys and we are a healthy family. I love that.

-Yesterday, my friend Stacey came to pick me up to visit. She's such a great friend. She threw me my shower (where I got the cutest outfits and handmade blankets, those wonderful gifts were great blessings for Curt and I), and I was able to bond with the ladies in my ward since I was IN LABOR during the shower and had the baby two and a half hours later!! I seriously think that day was so so special. I LOVE reminiscing about how everything played out that day. It was so perfect! -I really enjoy visiting with Stacey. She complimented me and said she really loves how positive I am and she feels like I'm alway bearing my testimony. :) That was really sweet of her to make sure I knew that she appreciated that. I seem to share a lot whenever I am around her. She enjoys talking about the same things I do, and I think that is great. I wish more people were as kind as she is. When she dropped me off at home, there were two more packages from family on our doorstep. I've counted and we've received EIGHT packages this year, plus Curt's parents brought so many presents for the boys to put under the tree. We've been so blessed and we feel so loved. Cache is going to be so spoiled this Christmas! I'm so excited for him. He really needs new big boy toys and I'm so grateful for the gifts our family has given him. I can't wait til Christmas day! My friend Emily called and invited us over for dinner on Christmas. She is so sweet and a really good friend too. I really love her little family. They are so FUN to visit with, and Cache loves playing with their two little boys. They play really well together and it's fun to watch them. I love watching Cache play. He's so imaginative. I'm so grateful for loving family and friends this holiday season.

I've noticed too and commented to Curt about how chatty I like to be when I really visit with people. I like to talk about things I never hear other people really bring up or talk about. I like to sit around and talk about thoughts, feelings, and things that really matter. :) Just this past Saturday as Curt and I were driving, I noticed and commented to him how wonderful trees are. It really is amazing to look at trees and see how big they are. It's easy to notice during this season in Colorado when the trees are all bare. (barren?) Different trees all sizes and shapes. No branch exactly like the other. Trees get so big and just stop growing. I wonder then why they stop growing. Why do they get so big and then just stop. It's just like us, we only get so big and we just stop growing. :) I love my simple thoughts and I'm grateful I've always had them throughout my life. They bring me joy. :) When I stop and appreciate all the simple good things in my life, that is when I feel the most joy and the most thankful to the Lord for allowing me such blessings. I consider it a blessing to just stop and notice the trees. Which brings me to my gratitude for the Savior. It is Him who gives me eyes to see the beauty in the trees. The beauty all around. The beauty in my little world, my life. It is Him who helps me see how I've grown over the years. How all the experiences I have and yet to have, all build upon my character and who He wants me to be. I can't imagine my life any different. I love His gospel. I love it's clarity. I love the goodness it brings into my life. I have so much to be grateful for this beautiful holiday season.