The truth about abuse

"The end result is a family in which almost all communication is triangular. The narcissist, the spider in the middle of the family web, sensitively monitors all the children for information she can use to retain her unchallenged control over the family. She then passes that on to the others, creating the resentments that prevent them from communicating directly and freely with each other. The result is that the only communication between the children is through the narcissist, exactly the way she wants it. "

This has been an extremely rough week for me. I feel like I need to get it out on my blog, so my friends know what's going on, even though they already do. My friends are all I have! I don't have a family to turn to, and that is what most people would do- turn to their family members in this situation. I feel as though I need to document this abuse.

I wrote on my blog this week expressing my feelings. I used actual events that happened. It's all TRUE. Curt has continually supported me because everything is true. It happened.

"She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism. If you criticize her or defy her she will explode with fury, threaten, storm, rage, destroy and may become violent."

Her response was hateful and hurtful texts about me. This is a sample of some of the texts she sent to curt, "She laughs loudly and hysterically about things that are NOT funny! She's MANIC! She's going to hurt your boys! She's dangerous. You will go to prison and you could have prevented this. I have witnesses to testify in court. I will testify. I love you, son. I'm your mama forever."

"Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. "

Also something about Curt handcuffing me forcing meds down me. This is just a glimpse of what she's said in text to Curt. It's as if she's been conspiring and making assumptions about me since day one. Curt has the texts on his phone. They just kept coming and coming. It is an extremely serious accusation to accuse someone of hurting their children. It is NOT true. We are so extremely hurt that she would defend herself by saying I hurt my boys. It is absurd and crazy. We will not put up with this abuse. This is serious abuse. I do not deserve this! I haven't been able to trust my mother in law. I don't know if I can. She's never given me a chance since the day she told me to go back to Rexburg. How do you trust someone who blatantly accuses you of hurting your children?! She admitted in texts she wants to oust me from Curt's life through divorce.

"She destroys your relationships. Narcissistic mothers are like tornadoes: wherever they touch down families are torn apart and wounds are inflicted. Unless the father has control over the narcissist and holds the family together, adult siblings in families with narcissistic mothers characteristically have painful relationships. Typically all communication between siblings is superficial and driven by duty, or they may never talk to each other at all. In part, these women foster dissension between their children because they enjoy the control it gives them. If those children don't communicate except through the mother, she can decide what everyone hears. Narcissists also love the excitement and drama they create by interfering in their children's lives. Watching people's lives explode is better than soap operas, especially when you don't have any empathy for their misery."

"Narcissistic mothers infamously attempt to damage their children's marriages and interfere in the upbringing of their grandchildren. "

She's pitted all of Curt's siblings against him. She texted Curt his siblings have all abandoned him. "The narcissist also uses favoritism and gossip to poison her childrens' relationships."

I had texted her like I said in the previous post. They were Christlike and nice texts. "Please stop verbally harassing and abusing me. Please stop misdirecting your anger at our family. Please stop hurting our family." She forwarded them to Curt and texted, "I will not deal with your wife." I had read those texts to Curt before I sent them. "I will not deal with your wife."- I'm her daughter in law!
"She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings."

"She is never wrong about anything. No matter what she's done, she won't ever genuinely apologize for anything."

"Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers ("Don't wash our dirty laundry in public!") and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern."

This morning, I woke up having a hard time breathing. It was anxiety! My heart was racing. I felt like i was going to have a panic attack. I've been emotionally and verbally abused all week! I started googling my situation. I found a site that perfectly describes everything I have been experiencing the past 8 years! These quotes I have posted throughout this post are all applicable to our situation and family.
ALL Quotes are from this link:

http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

"She makes you look crazy. If you try to confront her about something she's done, she'll tell you that you have "a very vivid imagination" (this is a phrase commonly used by abusers of all sorts to invalidate your experience of their abuse) that you don't know what you're talking about, or that she has no idea what you're talking about. She will claim not to remember even very memorable events, flatly denying they ever happened, nor will she ever acknowledge any possibility that she might have forgotten. This is an extremely aggressive and exceptionally infuriating tactic called "gaslighting," common to abusers of all kinds. Your perceptions of reality are continually undermined so that you end up without any confidence in your intuition, your memory or your powers of reasoning. This makes you a much better victim for the abuser. "

"Narcissists gaslight routinely. The narcissist will either insinuate or will tell you outright that you're unstable, otherwise you wouldn't believe such ridiculous things or be so uncooperative. You're oversensitive. You're imagining things. You're hysterical. You're completely unreasonable. You're over-reacting, like you always do. She'll talk to you when you've calmed down and aren't so irrational. She may even characterize you as being neurotic or psychotic. "

She texted Curt I'm hysterical and I laugh at things that are not even funny. She told me I'm too sensitive after she "taught me a lesson" in church that day! Since the day she cornered me in her former laundry room and drive way she told me I need help and meds! I locked myself in the car and she was pounding her fists on the window! She didn't even know me. It was 8 months after Curt and I had been married. She did not ever sit down with me and have a conversation with me about my life. She just started telling me I needed to be medicated!

"Your narcissistic mother can turn it on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she's thinking about how she's going to get even."

I'm not going to hang my head in shame quietly, like I did as a child.
I will not put up with anymore abuse.
I know that throughout my life, Heavenly Father has blessed me with the courage to contend for that which is right. I'm going to stand up for myself and against wrongful abuse! It's the right thing to do!