What A Christmas To Remember

What a Christmas to Remember!

Here I am again, blogging my feelings. "Go for it. The family doesn't read it anymore. But I'm sure all your friends will buy into your pity party and comment. That is why you do it right?"  Also, I've been continually called unto repentance by the same person, giving scripture over and over again, that says we need to forgive 490 times. I'm pretty sure the scriptures are meant for us individually not to throw in other people's faces and preach to them how they should act. Especially when a person has been hurt over and over by the same person, whom never apologizes, does not take responsibility and repetitiously never changes their behavior. Curt was told by his mother that she was going to turn all his siblings against him and she's done just that playing out her victimization. Curt and I have been ignored this entire holiday season! Curt was literally sobbing on Christmas day because NONE of his family members called him on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve or Christmas. Also, he's painfully tired of being treated like a single parent by his entire family. I get mad at his family for hurting him so badly. Curt was crying because it is painful for him to see the way his family ignores and mistreats me. We know that rumors are spread about our family that are completely false, outrageous and hurtful. Curt's mother has ignored numerous texts of mine and is sticking to her words -"I will not let Jen win." and "I will not deal with your wife." Yes, she will not. I've said all I need to say in my numerous texts. I've told her repeatedly what the therapist told me to tell her, to stop trying to sabotage and manipulate my marriage and relationships, to stop devaluing me and to stop putting me on her blacklist. The therapist was right on about everything he told us. I'm glad we went to him to understand the abuse we've endured. 

This has been absolutely absurd to have to deal with all this! Especially since I come from my own dysfunctional, screwed up family. I have now been ignored by my parents, my entire life, and now I have to deal with Curt's family's inept abilities to communicate, accept and love. It's been like this our entire marriage. I do not foresee this changing. I've been dealing with way too much! The therapist had told me we have to set boundaries, so that is all we have done. We have told Curt's mother she is not welcome in our home for telling the entire family to "give us space" and for creating distance in our relationships, all while ignoring us and spreading awful lies about us. It will be a long process forgiving her abuse. I know Christ wants us to forgive over and over, because it is hard and we must overcome the natural man. Anyone that says it is not hard to forgive is dismissive. If it is so easy to forgive, Why would Christ have need to constantly remind us through scripture to forgive 490 times and irrevocably through modern-day Prophets' voices that we must forgive!?!!! We have to forgive. It is required of everyone to forgive. We must not wait and put it off, but forgiveness is a process, it takes time! It takes time and effort to forgive. Christ does not command us to forgive when we need to, He gently reminds and encourages us through the Holy Ghost, who bears witness of all truth. I know that Heavenly Father does not want me subjecting myself to continual abuse either. Curt gave me a priesthood blessing before Christmas, and I trust in the spirit of God.

I know my soul has great worth in the sight of God, no matter what family members have told me my entire life through their actions and words. I feel as though, Heavenly Father really loves me. I know He is there for me. After what I've been through with my own family, and along with dealing with everything with Curt's family.  I never knew a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or cousin all growing up and I still never will in my adulthood. This is a tragedy, but it is also my life and my life is not a tragedy! The wonderful blessing in which I have been compensated for my lack of family in this life, is knowing undoubtedly how much Heavenly Father loves me, is aware of me and through every struggle that Jesus is the Christ, His atonement heals us. I just know I'm being prepared for bigger things in the world to come. I am strong! Curt has oft reminded me that I have been weathered in my life's experiences. I'm so thankful for the storms that have weathered me, because that is how I have always found the light of Jesus Christ. It is there in my daily life, yes, but when I am going through something extremely difficult as this, His peace comes and I know that HE KNOWS ME. John 14:26-27 "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." I will keep seeking Christ, reading and learning about His life and ministry upon the Earth. I know Christ was rejected and ridiculed over and over, and that is exactly what I have endured over and over in this life. I know that Christ overcame the WORLD. I can overcome this with His help. I'm thankful I've at least had an opportunity to grow and to come unto Christ through this experience. I will pray for Curt's family. If I have to always be a target, then so be it. The more I endure, the more opportunity it gives me to seek Christ and to become like Him.