Better

I've been thinking about my life today and the blessings prayer has brought into my life. When I joined the church and before I married Curt there was a good 4 years where I got to grow spiritually on my own. I relied a lot upon prayer, the Holy Ghost, and the Savior. I can remember mornings before I'd go to work at Walmart at 5:30am that I would simply pray to be happy and to not complain. I remember working one day at Walmart and thinking- I haven't complained in a long time. I knew it was because of prayer. I had prayed for help and to be strengthened. I prayed for my weakness to become a strength, I relied upon the Savior to help me. I did my part and did my best to not complain- and the Savior helped me with the rest. I relied upon prayer with any geographical move I have made. I prayed and pondered, studied it out in my mind, took it to the Lord in prayer and acted in faith. I relied on the Spirit after I went and prayed about moving in with my roommates, going to byu-idaho, moving to different apartments, moving to Spokane, moving to Colorado, Curt's job with the church and moving to Utah. I think we can be happy wherever we choose, but I've experienced blessings from including the Lord in all these decisions. The Lord will not tell you it is wrong, if you have a burning in your bosom you know it is right and continue on, but if it is wrong the Lord will not let you go too far if you are listening and living close to the Spirit. These are good things for my boys to know. I'm
thankful for the gifts Heavenly Father has given me. I think knowing and trusting in faith that something is right has given me a lot of courage in this life and a lot of positive spiritual experiences. When I moved to Idaho, I was 20 years old, had no idea where I was going all by myself and did not even have a job. I left with what I had and had faith I would find a job. Ever since I joined the church, I put my faith in God that He would provide for me and I knew He would as long as I acted and worked in faith. I didn't do it all by myself. The Spirit guided me and directed me. I had the Comforter with me and I did it relying solely upon faith and the Lord. When the opportunity came up of Curt seeking employment with the church- I was initially hesitant to put all of my faith into it. I was doubtful we could be so blessed after always having to seemingly struggle in one way or another. I feel the Lord gave me many opportunities to grow just within that one opportunity. It's funny how we pray for opportunities to come along, and then when they finally do, we seem to sputter around like we have no idea what to do and lack faith! It was definitely a faith promoting experience for me. Curt was given several opportunities as well to grow in his own faith in the Lord and as a family for our faith to grow in the Lord's timing. It's a blessing to be able to look back and know you made the best decisions, because the Lord was involved in all of them, so I've never had to doubt on any of my moves if something could be better. Involving the Lord in our personal decisions blesses us to know we have made the best decisions and he blesses us to feel comfort and peace in those decisions when they are right. The holy ghost will never tell us where to move, literally and figuratively, but if we act in faith, and listen quietly, the still small voice will whisper to us and prepares us for future events with small and simple promptings. We simply must have faith and rely on the Lord.

I have been complaining to Curt about how I struggle with daily exercise and wanting/needing to feel more comfortable and better about myself. I want to lose weight, because I want to have our last baby really soon- like next year soon. I know there is one more spirit waiting to join our family and I want to do everything right to get that family member here. I know Heavenly Father knows my heart and knows how much I wish mentally I was better about exercising. The greatest hurdle for me, has always been mental, that I am good enough and I am able to do it. It's a blessing we are all naturally weak in some way or another, so we can turn to Him for help! I told Curt today, that I need to pray for help to lose some weight, because I really want our last baby here with us! It's such a good motivation too- its not in vain, I really just want to feel better about myself and more so want to do it for our last baby so I can be healthy and pregnant and get him or her here!

I walked 3 out of 4 school days last week to pick Cache up from school. The walk to school is all downhill and the walk back home is all uphill. It's 1.5 miles roundtrip. It was 97 degrees HOT the 1st day, 93 degrees the 2nd day, and hot, humid and sticky the third day. I was pushing my sit n stand stroller with a 15 lb. baby plus carseat, and my 35 lb. 3 year old uphill in this heat. Each day I came home beat red and overheated! My friend said she had the same experience coming home red and overheated because it has been so sweltering hot! That made me feel better about myself, that it was really the heat and not just me! So I decided walking uphill pushing the weight of 2 of my boys and the stroller was not for me! I have exercised a lot in the evenings on my treadmill but then always seem to stop for one reason or another. I am committing to myself to exercise for one hour on my incline treadmill ( it is always at a permanent incline either 10-20% with springs- it can not lay flat or even fold up) five days a week. I know I can do this, I know I can with the help of the Lord! I know if I pray for help, I will overcome my mental obstacles of not being good enough to exercise, I will be strengthened to have that push that I need to establish consistent habits of exercise every morning! I'm so excited about this I'm gonna start this evening and tomorrow morning will be my first morning of many to follow! I have a personal goal set to walk M-F every morning for one hour. I'm trying to better hold myself accountable for my exercise by writing about it on here. I hate sweating- every time I exercise I do sweat and feel gross when I am done, but if I don't suffer through the worst of it I will never know and feel the rewards of it! I just know this can be another positive spiritual experience for me if I rely on the Lord and follow through everyday on my commitment to do what I am committing myself to do. I know I can do anything with the help of the Lord! In the strength of the Lord I can do anything!

Here's some inspiration I read today:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/10/in-the-strength-of-the-lord?lang=eng

I did walk at a 10% incline at 2.5-2.6mph for one hour tonight. I walked 2.51 miles and burned 797 calories! It's really not all that great, but it's a great start. I sweated a lot and it was a good workout. Here's to being sweaty and healthier!